also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
