Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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