I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
