there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The air taste purple.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
