I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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