Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
