Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
