oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
