i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
