Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
