Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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