but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
