New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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