new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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