dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
