At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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