i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
