it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
