I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
