Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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