good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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