Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
