My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
