i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
