I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
