WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
