Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
