I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
