yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
