i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
