Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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