You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
