I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
