It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
