but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
