I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
