u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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