I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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