Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
