I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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