Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
