I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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