Sry I called you an 8
I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
