I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
