I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
