I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
