dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
