It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
