I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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