We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
