I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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