So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
